Story Building (Part X): strong prose

Creating a strong narrative is key to writing well. If you have a great story line, convincing characters, but weak choice of words, your story won’t reach its full potential. If you apply yourself to strength now, it will put you leaps ahead of first-time authors.

As you write, choose words that mean what you say. Less words are better. Describe accurately, but if you can do it in one or two words instead of four, choose less. The single word will often be more precise and interesting. This is especially true when it comes to verbs.

Verbs and Adverbs

As much as possible, eliminate adverbs. An adverb is a word that modifies a verb or action word. Think of adverbs as a crutch for a weak verb. Delete the crutch and use a verb solid enough to stand on its own.

He didn’t run quickly; he sprinted or dashed. He didn’t speak sharply; he yelled. He didn’t walk sneakily; he slunk from shadow to shadow.

When necessary, use an adverb if there isn’t a verb that describes accurately on its own. I couldn’t seem to find a verb to portray what I pictured for the desperate actions of one of my MC’s in a battle after seeing his friend caught in a grenade blast, so I wrote, “I frantically wiped the mud off his face with my hands.”

Also, I felt that whispered and murmured were becoming overused in one of my books, and I periodically replaced them with, “he said softly.” I also used adverbs when I felt that it created more emotion in me. Sometimes he wasn’t whispering or murmuring, but he did say something gently. I used an adverb.

Adverbs have their place. But too often, they are a sign of weak and lazy writing. Use them carefully, purposefully, and when it’s your only option.

Voice

Use word choice that fits the voice of your narrator. The wording of my Vietnam War novel is quite different than the wording of my medieval fantasy. Be careful that the words you pick fit the era and the style of speech that your narrator would tell the story in.

My inner city African American MC, Tim, shouldn’t be using eloquent speech, just like my medieval assassin, trained at a royal school, shouldn’t use slang.

“Mr. Lawson possessed every right to fire me,” sounds stilted coming from Tim. He should just say, “Mr. Lawson had every right to fire me.” (I was trying to cut a passive voice word, but more on that later).

It doesn’t fit, just like this, “Though his arms told him to quit and go home…” doesn’t blend with the rest of the elevated medieval speech in my fantasy.

Don’t fall so much in love with the words if their presence disrupts the believability of your story. I love words like comrade, but if it’s forced, it’s better for me to cut it than for it to ruin the atmosphere of the story.

Also, as the author, use words that feel natural to you. Otherwise, the stiltedness will still filter through.

Passive Voice

I’m not a grammar person. I don’t know much. But I do know that passive voice hurts your writing if it’s just there and not essential to correct grammar. Passive voice, like adverbs, are often a sign of lazy or mechanical writing. It shows the author is not thinking deliberately about what they are creating.

Unless you’re writing in present tense, you can probably cut most of the passive voice in your prose.

Passive voice doesn’t help convey simultaneous action. Readers can only read one word at a time. When you read, “Lionel was slashing his sword from side-to-side against Rolf’s and the fire was crackling,” you still had to read in chronological order of one word, then the next. It wasn’t possible for you to imagine the sword slashing and the fire crackling at the same time, until you read the whole sentence. “Lionel slashed his sword from side-to-side against Rolf’s, and the fire crackled,” gives you the same picture. But cutting the was + “ing” strengthens it.

Passive voice also creates unclear pictures. It points to the wrong subject. For example,

“The town was attacked by Jagernites,” is pointing to the town, the victim of the attack, instead of the attacker, the Jagernites. “The Jagernites attacked the town,” is stronger.

“He was killed,” is unclear. Who killed him? “Boruk killed him,” is stronger. It gives me a subject to work with.

Take a look at your passive voice (any “to be” verbs: was, am, are, is, being, have, had, etc., paired with an “ing” or “ed” word ending), and make sure that the thing doing the action is the subject of your sentence.

For example, I once wrote, “The side of his shirt was dark red.” But I changed it, so that we knew what made his shirt red. “Blood soaked the side of his shirt.”

Be careful, however, with cutting passive voice from dialogue. People use it so often in speech, that cutting it could stiffen the dialogue. Who says, “Nightmares plagued me all night”? Most people say, “I had nightmares all night.”

Also, if someone is trying to avoid responsibility, passive voice is a great tool.

“Where’d all that smoke come from?”

“Uh, the barn was burned down.” Instead of, “I caught the barn on fire.”

Passive voice has its place, but make sure you use it to communicate exactly what you mean it to. When it can go, kick it out. It’s often less necessary than you think.

As one final note, don’t worry over adverbs, narrative style, and passive voice in your first draft. If you can start a draft with these techniques in mind, good job, but if you’ve already started writing, don’t worry about fixing what you have until you finish the rough draft and are ready to start revision, which I’ll talk about next week. Just focus on finishing.

Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to leave your thoughts or questions in the comments. See you next week!

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What steps will you take toward strengthening your prose?

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