Fake Projects

You don’t know anything about WWI, or any war, for that matter. You won’t be able to do its soldiers justice. Oh, by the way, you hate reading and research means reading. A lot. This storyline has potential to be extremely preachy if you’re not careful. You have so many ideas coming at you for this story, that you don’t have the time or energy to write them all down. If you don’t outline this story—if you just go for it—that’s not discipline, you’re doing something wrong, and the story won’t work.

Those are the fears and lies swamping me with the book I’m trying to write. Ever relate? Maybe I’m being an overdramatic introvert, but I’m not surprised if at least one person connects with what I’m saying.

When I strip away the extra fluff, I think everything comes down to the fact that I’m afraid to fail.

People tend to think of artists as free, go-with-the-flow, splatter the paint, earthy kind of people. I, however, find artists to be incredible perfectionists. They may splatter the paint, but if it doesn’t land just right, they’ll hate it and toss the painting.

Though I nearly refuse to let go of it, perfection discourages me. I have an idea of what something should be, and when it doesn’t come out the way I pictured it, I get frustrated, disappointed, and sometimes angry.

Perfection also stifles me. For example, my first two novels each had a clear point they were trying so hard to make, and they came out preachy. I didn’t like that. I didn’t let them be stories first and see where they would grow on their own. I’m afraid to see that happen with my current novel.

Ironically, some of the best work I’ve created have been projects that I didn’t care about too much. They weren’t a part of my novels, so they weren’t the “real thing,” so it didn’t matter how they came out or what I did with them. I let myself try new things like extreme, flowery descriptions or New York mobster dialogue.

In early September, I drew a hummingbird that I ended up loving. I posted it on Instagram with the following caption. “So I don’t usually draw things this free and whimsical, but I did this last night…Honestly, I was pretty scared to try it because I didn’t want it to turn out badly. But I gave myself permission to mess up and to let go of any expectations I had for it…I’ve noticed that some of the most beautiful things I’ve created both in art and writing have come when I’ve given myself permission to create something that might come out badly. Have you found this to be true of you?”

While lying to myself isn’t a healthy habit, I do need to approach my projects with that “fake project” mindset. The mindset that lets go of expectations, that says it’s okay to mess up, the one that says it’s okay to try strange, new things.

Letting go of perfection is incredibly challenging for me, and I’m sure is for you too. But if we try, just try letting go, what beautiful work might come of it?

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Where will you begin to let go of perfection right now? Where will you give yourself freedom to fail?

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