Alone in the Ocean

About seven months ago, a girl attended a writer’s conference. She saw some of her best friends. She was home with her tribe, the people who understood her the most. She heard a man speak on exactly what she’d been mulling over for the prior year. She felt empowered. She felt strong. She felt excited about her story. Then she climbed on a plane to go home. And she froze. Feelings of complete lostness and powerlessness overwhelmed her. She didn’t write. She was alone. I am the girl. End sappy story. ;)

Though people often describe being an author as a “lonely life,” I would never consciously put it that way. The minute I started writing, I had become a part of an amazing community that I didn’t realize the full extent of when I joined. Within community is deep understanding, strength, growth, and power. There’s synergy. But not everyone has a chance for community, because not everyone knows where to find it.

So they’re left alone, feeling like the struggles they deal with in writing are unique to them, that the questions they have are stupid, that they can’t get anywhere or grow because it’s just them. There’s no one else.

Or maybe they have a great community like I do, but they are only with those people in person once or twice a year. Sure, there’s the internet, social media, personal contact information, etc., but it’s not entirely the same. And they spend most of their time loving their writing but doing it…alone. So yes, writing can be a lonely life. But not just writing. Any pursuit in life—just living itself—is terrifying and crippling without a community to do it alongside with.

There are mountains to climb, dragons to fight, ships to sail, armies to rally…single-handedly. I’m not just talking about writing fictional stories. I’m talking about the roadblocks that you’ve got to crush to make a book happen. I’m talking about the vision you have to help others, but you haven’t found anyone else with a vision quite like yours. There are a bunch of similar options, calling you to compromise your vision into joining the similar mission, but something keeps nagging you that your version is what’s needed. I’m talking about the life situations that curl over you like a wave and you’ve got to figure out how to swim. And even if you figure out how to swim, you’ve got to fight the sharks. When you don’t see an orange helicopter overhead, or people in a life raft coming to help, it’s easy to give up. It’s easy to give into the sharks. To let yourself drown.

The truth is, I’ve found myself in the ocean. There are a lot of sharks. And even if they haven’t taken a bite out of me yet, I know they’re just under the surface and that’s enough to make me panic. I can’t take them on. The water itself is enough to deal with. But I’ve started waving my hands. I’ve started to yell and let people know I’m out there. Sometimes it takes a lot of yelling. Sometimes you almost lose your voice. But you keep calling.

And when you do that, something weird happens. You hear someone yell back. Not a helicopter pilot, or a Search-and-Rescue team. No, it’s someone else treading water, not too far away. And they thought they were just as alone and lost as you thought you were. But they’re in the same ocean, looking for other people that have tasted the same saltwater, that have felt the same sharks bumping their legs, and are all trying to swim.

Put yourself out there, even when you don’t think there is anyone with remotely the same vision, ideas, or struggles as you. The help doesn’t always come zipping in on a fancy and easy-to-escape-on helicopter. Sometimes it’s just another survivor. Sometimes it’s someone you would have never guessed. Sometimes you still have to figure out how to swim. But just knowing someone is around gives you the energy to keep treading. The situation doesn’t change. But having a person at your side, even if they’re just as lost as you and in very much the same ocean, gives you the power to hold on. To make a plan. And then to swim home.

There are a lot of oceans out there. The writing ocean. The publishing ocean. The dreams ocean. The entrepreneur ocean. The war ocean. The health or sickness ocean. The fill-in-the-blank ocean. And you’re not alone out there. Just keep calling.

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The situation doesn’t change. But having a person at your side, even if they’re just as lost as you and in very much the same ocean, gives you the power to hold on.

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P.S. I joined the One Year Adventure Novel (OYAN) community in 2015, and they have become my family. OYAN has been there for me not just in my writing, but as I’ve faced different life phases. I’m forever grateful for them. You should check them out.